detox.

so i'm doing a detox today.

it's supposed to remove toxins/chemicals/waste/etc/ from your body. all the chemicals and toxins we store can cause fatigue, headaches, and a host of other more serious issues.

i wish we could detox our non-physical bodies. our hearts, our minds, our souls. well, i know that we can - with the blood of christ, but sometimes i wish it were more simple. i wish there was a step by step method that would reap results immediately. at the same time, i know that this isn't what i would really want - because mystery is good. stumbling and finding your own way is good.

but geeeeeeesh. sometimes i wish it were easier.

Sun Jar from SUCK UK at ELSEWARES / 718-502-8893

Sun Jar from SUCK UK at ELSEWARES / 718-502-8893

Paula Scher gets serious | Video on TED.com

Paula Scher gets serious | Video on TED.com

home.

went home this past weekend. so beautiful.

if you didn't know, i have the most amazing church. a church that started out in a school gym, to a tent, and now a gorgeous building.

the area is so small, unassuming. but wow! god never fails to show up, never fails to remind me of who i am. each and every time i visit, i am reminded.

anyways, they started what they call a "prayer furnace." it's three sessions every day of harp and bowl worship. it is absolutely beautiful. for the past two weeks, several people from my church have been in worship and prayer for about 40 hours a week.

it was wonderful to reconnect with friends and talk about how much time has flown by. to laugh, to talk, to cry a lot. it was good.

i'm just reminded again of how far i feel that i am straying lately. not exactly from the lord, well i should say not totally. but i'm straying from myself, from who i am. i'm getting short changed. i'm settling. it isn't good, and it was never intended.

it's spiritual, it's physical. i can sense it, i can feel it.


oh, let your fire fall.
we are in need of you.
our hearts are longing for your presence.

myers briggs test

So, I took this really long and thorough personality test from Myers Briggs. I'm an INFP!


INFPs are idealistic and loyal to their values and to the people important to them. They are curious and quick to see possibilities, and often are catalysts for implementing new ideas. They want to understand people and help them fulfill their potential. They are adaptable until one of their cherished values is threatened.

They value home, family, autonomy, health, and creativity.

INFPs represent approximately 4% of the U.S. population.

a challenge.

ask yourself these questions.
ask yourself daily.

when or where in the past 24 hours did you feel you were cooperating most fully with God's action in your life?
when were you resisting?

what habits and life patterns do i notice?
when did i feel most alive?
most drained of life?
when did i have the greatest sense of belonging?
when did i feel most alone?
when did i give love?
when did i receive love?
when did i feel most fully myself?
least myself?
when did i feel most whole?
most fragmented?

prayer of examen.

what is this season?

i'm just not content.

family. they're mine.

bring a little love for me.

i'm ready to give up all my sin;
but i don't know where to begin.

sweet lover mine,
it's the morning of a new day.

and i thank you Lord, for everything
that you've done.


so, life is hectic right now. i started a new job as the activity director at chardon healthcare. i know, i know, everyone thinks all activity directors do is play games and schedule games all day. not the case. i feel i've just been thrown into this ocean of things that i've never had to deal with before. employees, one in particular that doesn't like me and thinks i should have never gotten the promotion, monthly budgets, hiring, interviewing, calling people and telling them you aren't going to hire them, dealing with a human resource manager who is so incredibly moody and/or bipolar, disciplining/managing employees that are basically the same age as me, organizing about a bajillion things, planning ahead, being responsible, watching what i say, not getting too busy for my residents, constantly worrying about individualized care for my residents, hearing one of my residents tell me, "oh, you're just like ONE OF THEM now!" (granted, she's a little {a lot} crazy), managing care plans, progress notes, MDS, assessments, RAPs...it's so much!

granted, right now i'm in the thick of things. old boss just left, i just got promoted, we have a vacant spot, i'm still learning the job, although everyone expects me to just know things it seems - things just aren't on a smooth course right now. i just want to remember to not get too far ahead of myself, to keep the stress down, and to just look forward. to just look at God and His strength, not at my own.

pray for me!

the drifter and the gypsy

the train is almost here
this decision seems so clear
i can feel the habit cutting like a knife
in the end i know that it is gonna drive right into me

cause i’m a drifter and i know that doesn’t do me any good
moving on from place to place, never staying where i should

i left him just to leave
no i left him cause he needed me
i can feel him looking at me
like i took his '67 chevrolet and drove it away

cause i’m a gypsy and i know that doesn’t do me any good
moving on from place to place, stealing hearts just cause i could

walked into another strange place,
didn’t see a single face that I recognized or want to,
guess its on to the next place

cause i’m a drifter and i know that doesn’t do me any good
moving on from place to place, never staying where i should
i’m a gypsy and i know that doesn’t do me any good
moving on from place to place, stealing hearts just cause i could

rosi golan.

yes, yes indeed.

olympia
orcas island
seattle
everett
ocean shores
seaside
portland
lincoln city
newport
astoria
eugene
gold beach
eureka
redding
napa
san francisco
big sur
carmel
monterey
corvallis
truckee
capitola
del mar
eastsound
san luis obispo
crested butte
bozeman
homer
prescott
little river
la jolla
pacific city
malibu
depoe bay
sonoma
san diego
yachats
elk

a bit 'o truth.

life is hard.
romans 8:21-22

God is more concerned with glorifying Himself
and changing us than solving our problems.
2 corinthians 4:17

God has an eternal purpose He is fulfilling
in the midst of our problems.
romans 5:3-4
james 1:24-25

God wants to use our problems
as part of His sanctifying process
in our lives.
job 23:10

no matter what problem we face,
God's grace is sufficient.
2 corinthians 12:7-10

lately.

so, a friend of mine called me up to ask how i was doing.
she thought i seemed a bit sad the last time i saw her.

i've been thinking about that and have come to some conclusions about how i'm feeling and the goings on of my life lately.

i guess i'm just overwhelmed. and peaceful at the same time.
it's these conflicting feelings that sum everything up.

the biggest thing on my heart as of late is dan's upcoming (and quickly upcoming at that) deployment to afghanistan. it is so strange because it feels so far away to me and yet so dangerously close at the same time. it feels like it isn't really going to happen and yet i am very, very aware that it is happening and soon. i feel overwhelmed, scared, disappointed, annoyed, and worried about him leaving. but at the same exact time i feel peaceful, i feel an enormous amount of pride for the sacrifice my husband is making and for the things i am beginning to understand about the root and embodiment of a man, and about the military and their spouses that many never will understand. i feel expectant, because i know that Jesus has plans for me in this. i know that He knew about this bajillions of years before i was even a twinkle in anyone's eye. i know that this event is an instrumental part of His plan to make me the woman he has been dreaming up for a countless amount of time. i am also certain that this deployment is going to strengthen our marriage so profoundly, we're facing something very difficult together after only two years. I know that God has big plans for our marriage.

so, the good outweighs the bad, but they are conflicting feelings nonetheless.
this is going to be a hell and a promised land all at once.

but, our God is good. so good.

i have also been learning a lot lately. so many truths of God and His Kingdom - and how i fit in - are being revealed to me. I just have this indescribable urge to jump into my calling/destiny/what have you and just be "right in the thick of things", whatever that means...

but God continues to tell me to wait.
to sit.
to quiet myself.
to listen.
to be.

with this comes more conflicting feelings. i want to search out opportunities, i want to get this training, take that class, volunteer here, help there, travel here, listen to this teaching, read that book, watch this movie, listen to that song, check out this website, get this devotional sent to my email, change the way i do this or that, read about this guy's way of thinking...

but my spirit is so insistent on sitting, being quiet, listening, being.

so at the very same time i am inside wanting to do all these things and i'm battling with the other part of myself that wants to do nothing. and it's comical. sometimes i feel schizophrenic.

but God is faithful. he put a wonderful new friend/mentor into my life. my pastor's wife, julie. she has been a breath of fresh air to me in more ways than i can say. she is pleasant, silly, light hearted and easy going - but she is also rooted and grounded in the Word of God, she walks in integrity, she is not afraid to tell me the truth - to sit, to be quiet, to listen, to be. she gets it, and it seems the Lord has just given her instructions on this season of my life and how to help guide me. it's awesome. so glad she came into my life for such a time as this.

so, i guess that's what is up with me. i could go on for hours more explaining other things that seem to be a source of conflicting feelings right now, but it doesn't matter. those two are the big ones that everything else falls beneath. and, all in all, i'm doing pretty great. this is exactly where i need to be.

i rearranged my hot pink office. the desk into the corner. a mason jar of flowers. my favorite photo of dan. audrey to my right, and my "just be" plaque to my left. i like it.

i love men. especially mine.

A man carries cash.

A man looks out for those around him -- woman, friend, stranger.

A man can cook eggs.

A man can always find something good to watch on television.

A man makes things -- a rock wall, a table, the tuition money.
Or he rebuilds -- engines, watches, fortunes.

He passes along expertise, one man to the next.

Know-how survives him.

A man fantasizes that kung fu lives deep inside him somewhere.

A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.

A man can speak to dogs.

A man listens, and that's how he argues. He crafts opinions. He can pound the table, take the floor. It's not that he must. It's that he can.

A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

A man owns up.

A man grasps his mistakes.
He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.

Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

A man does not wither at the thought of dancing. But it is generally to be avoided.

Style -- a man has that. No matter how eccentric that style is, it is uncontrived. It's a set of rules.

A man loves the human body, the revelation of nakedness. He loves the sight of the pale bosom, the physics of the human skeleton, the alternating current of the flesh. He is thrilled by the wrist and the sight of a bare shoulder. He likes the crease of a bent knee.

Maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures he can knock someone, somewhere, on his bottom.

A man doesn't point out that he did the dishes.

A man knows how to ridicule.

A man gets the door. Without thinking.

He stops traffic when he must.

A man knows how to lose an afternoon. Playing Grand Theft Auto, driving aimlessly, shooting pool.

He knows how to lose a month, also.

A man welcomes the coming of age. It frees him. It allows him to assume the upper hand and teaches him when to step aside.

He understands the basic mechanics of the planet. Or he can close one eye, look up at the sun, and tell you what time of day it is. Or where north is. He can tell you where you might find something to eat or where the fish run.

He understands electricity or the internal-combustion engine, the mechanics of flight or how to figure a pitcher's ERA.

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

A man knows his tools and how to use them -- just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find
the stud, when to use galvanized nails.

A miter saw, incidentally, is the kind that sits on a table, has a circular blade, and is used for cutting at precise angles. Very satisfying saw.

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. He doesn't see himself lost in some great maw of humanity, some grand sweep. That's the liberal thread; it's why men won't line up as liberals.

A man resists formulations, questions belief, embraces ambiguity without making a fetish out of it. A man revisits his beliefs. Continually. That's why men won't forever line up with conservatives, either.

A man is comfortable being alone. Loves being alone, actually. He sleeps.

Or he stands watch. He interrupts trouble. This is the state policeman. This is the poet. Men, both of them.

A man loves driving alone most of all.

A man watches. Sometimes he goes and sits at an auction knowing he won't spend a dime, witnessing the temptation and the maneuvering of others. Sometimes he stands on the street corner watching stuff. This is not about quietude so much as collection.

It is not about meditation so much as considering. A man refracts his vision and gains acuity. This serves him in every way. No one taught him this -- to be quiet, to cipher, to watch. In this way, in these moments, the man is like a zoo animal: both captive and free.

You cannot take your eyes off a man when he is like that. You shouldn't. Who knows what he is thinking, who he is, or what he will do next.

i'll be seeing you, friend.

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

billy holiday.

spring anticipation.

welcome, march...so glad you're here.

GIRAFFES

so, i have this wonderful friend, mary.
she pointed me into the direction of this video.
this is why i love giraffes.

please excuse the silly commercial beforehand.

also, i must recommend the book giraffes! giraffes!

he made us.

“It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves”

This line is from Psalm 100. It is so freeing because I feel that I, among others, search and search to try to find who I am. It isn’t even about who God made me to be, but I’m trying to turn myself into who I want to be. Being this person who searches for meaning, for identity, for self-expression, this is something I struggle with.

This little piece of Scripture says it best. It is He who has made us.
We didn’t make ourselves, and it is ludicrous to try to make ourselves.

Sorry, Incubus...but that song “Make Yourself” is just wrong.

Seriously, though. This takes so much pressure off. It is He who has made us. He has made us. He made us. Not us. Not us. NOT US. We don’t have to try so hard to be what we have in mind to be. We just have to be true to seeking the Lord - and He is so faithful to cultivate our hearts and minds, and we will just find that we become who He made us to be.

The best part is - He made us is past tense. It’s not, “He’s in the process of making us”, or “He’s making us into so and so”, it’s He made us. He MADE us. Good golly, if you’ve accepted Christ - you’re already a new creation. Let’s stop trying to become one and walk out WHO WE ARE!!

It isn’t reading fashion magazines. It isn’t the latest style - or trying to find our “own unique” style. It isn’t even our hobbies or talents. It isn’t our friends or the families that we come from. It isn’t our significant others or even our spouses!

Its seeking Him. It’s being exhilarated each day by His presence. It’s dying to ourselves over and over again. It’s giving ourselves up. It’s ditching this “who am i, really?” mentality.

It’s becoming who He made us to be. For real.

check out the psalters.

they're crazy

www.psalters.org

so serious.

my husband is so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the coolest man i've ever met. TDF. 

seriously.

the beatles aren't that great. 

culinary throwdown.

oh, also...

on thursday, feb. 12th...

this little wine bar/micro winery in painesville is having a little food contest of sorts. they will be doing it every thursday this month. the 12th thursday is appetizers - i'm making stuffed mushrooms. you should come and pay a dollar for a sample. and vote for me to win. 

it starts at 7pm!

delish

can i just say that i absolutely love 

annie's naturals roasted red pepper salad dressing?

it tastes delicious on absolutely everything.

especially baked potatoes. 

i've been up to

reading (and loving) the twilight novels.

being sick.

hanging out with my dogs.

wishing it were sunny outside.

hanging out with my friends at the nursing home.

trying new recipes.

eating lots of multigrain cheerios. they are delicious.

ever preparing for dan's deployment.

watching lots of movies with my husband.

missing my friends, but bittersweetly enjoying the alone time.

laughing at/with dan. a lot.

laughing at shelbie because 

she has lots of trouble walking in a foot of snow.

wishing i could shop at anthropologie. 

why are they so damned expensive?!

drinking lots of hot tea.

making nachos.

taking the dave ramsey financial class.

wanting things.

wishing i didn't want so many things.

daydreaming.

writing.

printing coupons.

learning about god.

playing the sims 2.

waiting for the sims 3.

talking to my mom.

not believing that my brother actually got a neck tattoo that says "biggie"

making plans for travel.

thinking of ashley, katie, morgan.

thinking of sarah.

thinking of catherine, mary.

thinking of laura, lauren, mackenzie, rachel.

listening to both sides of stories.

loving good news.

smiling.

laughing.

crying.

wanting a cute apron.

loving audrey hepburn's style.

organizing old photos.

wondering who my new boss will be.

finding out and being happy about who my new boss will be.

preparing for a culinary throwdown on february 12. you should come.

your vine or mine in painesville. peach chardonnay. tdf.

learning how to be a wife.

learning what love is all about.

looking out the window.

hearing my husband's theories on how stupid groundhog's day is. 

the day and the movie.

listening to josh garrels.

getting rid of things with this rule: if i had the money, would i buy it today?

composting, preparing for my veggie garden.

relaxing.

thinking of my friend isaac 

and how he did it better than mostly everyone i know.

being thankful for glasses.

as much as i hate this phrase, surfing the web: 

beautiful.

interesting.

wonderful.

fun.

lovely.

talented.

ihop.

bethel.

addicting.

helpful.

innovative.

refresh. 

girls only. seriously.

green.

fabulous. 

inspiring. 

good news for my husband.

shoes.

jedidiah.

ideas worth spreading. 

 

so true.

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
- J.R.R. Tolkien

over me...

You should probably listen to the song, Sweet River Roll, by Josh Garrels. It will excite your heart.



Sweet river roll over me

Let my body find peace and let my mind be free

Oh my soul sings to Thee



The wild man he just killed my religion

He cut it to the bone like a needed incision

The cancerous growth of formulaic precision

That blocks the life-blood in rebellious collision

Cold constructs robbing faith from decision

But where’s your rubric for the man that was risen

He is my vision, he is my vision, be Thou my vision

When the tables have turned, and I’ve lost money, and temples are burned

By His scares we will learn about truth

In the depths of our souls that are marred by the tooth of a beast

Underneath so many deceased, sold out suckers traded life to be yeast

Just to get a piece or a status increase

Find grace and have peace when you eat the Lords feast

And you eat, of His flesh, and His blood

It’s coming quick and strong as the mightiest flood

Yet my mind still gets stuck in the mud

Bottom feeding on the trash like a catfish, brats wish on all of that which

Is established to sit ill in hearts and in our souls, sweet river roll



Sweet river roll over me

Let my body find peace and let my mind be free

Oh my soul sings to Thee



It’s like the water in the valley, submerged totally

Yet all the children rally around the safety of their shallow beliefs

Let’s swim against the current out and into the deep

But first I pray the Lord for my soul to keep

That price payed was not cheap as I stand knee deep in His blood

We’re knee deep in his blood

See, I choose to refuse the regulated rhetoric of someone elses rehearsed ideals

In place of a real living commitment, Hell no

We put the rock in the water and it made cement

We put the water with the wheat and then we made it ferment

Shine light through the rain and a spectrum represent

We’re pumping water through the veins and the brains content

Went down to the river following providence

Old man under water gonna die when he repents

Old man under water gonna die when he repents

But there’s a new man coming up with the wings to ascend

The son of man walks on water because he’s heaven sent

I’ve these tears in my eyes as I cry with the joy and lament



Sweet river roll over me

Let my body find peace and let my mind be free

Oh my soul sings to Thee

so, i'm getting a little blog happy.

but i can't help it.

i'm heading home this weekend to visit my mom. her boyfriend and i are taking her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant - benihana. it should be lots of fun. dan's out of town for his usmc drills this weekend. we had a fun night together last night, we made dinner, laughed a lot, talked about lots of things, cuddled with our puppies, and took a few shots of silver tequila. you know, dan & jocelynn things.

we got in a minor car accident the other day and i'm currently driving a rental. a black nissan sentra. it's nice to let lance take a little break. absence makes the heart grow fonder of course! it's so funny how when you get used to driving a car, driving a different one just feels so strange.

another new thing - i got new glasses! praise the lord, i can see! and no more constant headaches!



and the best new thing...matt & jen hummer's new baby brody. he is so sweet and wonderful and i just love him. if you haven't met him yet, you really should! i can't wait until ashley & jay have theirs!! speaking of that, i got ash the best shower gift.





brody edward hummer. isn't he sweet?!

pizza party!

what a great day i had at work! we had a food project with the residents, make your own pizza. it was so much fun! they absolutely loved being able to spread the sauce themselves, pick their toppings, add the cheese. it was sensory stimulation for them all and a great time. i think it even meant a lot to them that we prepared it all for them to make & enjoy.


i love my job.

garbage day.

i'm pretty proud of dan and i. 

today is trash day, and again, our trash container isn't really full enough to put out in the driveway. on average, we only have to get trash collected about every three weeks! hooray for reducing, reusing, and recycling!

that makes me happy.  

day one.

in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

the earth and the sky were absolutely formless and void. 

void - empty and vacant, empty space, emptiness

empty - containing nothing, without an occupant, without effectiveness

so the world was totally empty. inhabitable. and the glorious God we know today breathed life and the world was made! 

he took nothing and made such intricate beauty. my mind cannot comprehend.

now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

the holy spirit! the same spirit that lives in us hovered over the unfinished creation. His presence was there to preserve what was there and prepare what was to come. which i would say is exactly what he does inside us as well.

God the Creator Elohim

the God who sees El Roi

it seems that as i learn, God is always thinking of us. when he created the heavens and the earth, he had us in mind. He did it for us. we are central to His reasoning for everything and we mean everything to Him. 

when God created us, he didn't say 'let there be man', which would have gone along with everything else He created. no, he was more tender, more personal. he said, let us make man in our own image. in the image of God He created them. male and female He created them.

and we weren't just made. we were made in His image. He said let us make man. the plurality of the Trinity, the plurality of man as male and female. relationship. 

Thank you Lord, that though we've fallen, You make a way for redemption. 

When man fell, it let a host of evil loose on the earth. I should say, it pained the earth. It took it from it's original state. 

The serpent came to the woman and told her that if she ate the fruit, she would not surely die - but she would be like God, knowing good and evil.

If we remember back when God created man, He created us in His image. male and female He created us. 

So, why does eve fall for that?? why doesn't she see that what the serpent is promising her is only counterfeit for what God has already provided??

this is the human story, isn't it? all throughout the bible and up to this day. We seek love, acceptance, approval, beauty, challenge, etc., all things the Lord has freely given to us already. when eve trusted the serpents way of being like God, we know that sin and folly was brought upon the earth. 

When we listen to 'the serpent' - our flesh, the world, the enemy of our souls - in order to receive our hearts desires, we do the same. we bring folly, confusion, fear, more unfulfilled longing, unfulfilled destiny. 

this sin not only brought folly to the earth and separation from God's presence, but it lodged a wedge between adam and eve. man and woman. 

and they realized they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

adam and eve were ashamed. not just inwardly, but in their relationship with each other as well as their relationship with God. 

their new knowledge was that of their own nakedness. their knowledge of 'good and evil' that was to make them 'like god' resulted in the knowledge that they were no longer even like each other. they were ashamed of their nakedness and they sewed fig leaves together to hide from each other. they sought wisdom, but only found vanity and toil. 

maybe that is why men are from mars and women are from venus, or whatever it is. maybe that is why marriages are failing every day in both the christian and secular community. maybe that is why at times, it is so hard to communicate effectively with the opposite sex. 

there is nothing good apart from God. nothing. even a quest that appears good and harmless will not end well apart from God. 

adam and eve, in my belief, did not spitefully rebel against God. it seems that it was simply a quest for wisdom and 'the good' apart from God's provision. 

even things that seem good must be sought within the range of God's will and provision. the enemy may come in and present us with a better, simpler, most often faster way of doing things - even things appearing holy - and then comes the folly. the enemy would love to push us too quickly into our destiny, so that confusion will come in and delay us from truly reaching it by the path that God intended. 

i think of much afraid's journey to the High Places in the book by hannah howard. 

 

the sims 3

i can't even wait.

in the name of love

i swear i've watched this at least twenty times.

i wish i could meet him.

music make you lose control.

there are a few good things on the far eastside.

so, the video i posted previously was of a place called project hope for the homeless. i've recently gotten involved there as a volunteer and it's been an amazing experience. i have been so discouraged lately because i've been feeling that there aren't enough ways to get involved in the body of christ on the far eastside of cleveland. but, project hope has proved me wrong. there are always places to get involved, if you are willing to look. i volunteered once along side a woman named sister mary catherine or kathleen, i'm not sure which, and then some last name i couldn't pronounce...but she let us just call her sister mary. she is absolutely amazing. she is in her mid seventies, and totally gives her life to service. she has been working with project hope since it started, which i think was about ten years ago. just watching her work so effortlessly and unceasingly was such an inspiration. i want to be like that when i'm in my seventies. sister mary also has one of the purest, most beautiful, and yet simplest faces i have ever seen. she was telling me about how she and her other sisters collect aluminum and trade it in for money - which they use to help finance a catholic school in inner city cleveland. she loved to tell me about all of the things that we waste that can be recycled.

i haven't posted in a while, but i do have a lot to say. this is been a crazy week. more later.

project hope

yes.

when the lion come around
with his claw and his crown
follow, follow his every move.

indeed.

thank god i live in america.

ambivalent
adjective
the need to relocate has made her ambivalent about the promotion equivocal, uncertain, unsure, doubtful, indecisive, inconclusive, irresolute, of two minds, undecided, torn, in a quandary, on the fence, hesitating, wavering, vacillating, equivocating, blowing/running hot and cold; informal iffy. antonym unequivocal, certain.


resolute |ˈrezəˌloōt; -lət|
adjective
admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering : she was resolute and unswerving.
DERIVATIVES
resolutely |ˈrɛzəˈl(j)utli| adverb
resoluteness |ˈrɛzəˈl(j)utnəs| noun
ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense [paid,] describing a rent): from Latin resolutus ‘loosened, released, paid,’ past participle of resolvere (see resolve ).

Any of the above adjectives might apply to you if you take a stand on something and stick to it, or show your loyalty to a person, country, or cause.

If you show unswerving loyalty to someone or something you are tied to (as in marriage, friendship, etc.), you would be described as faithful (: a faithful wife; a faithful Republican).

Constant also implies a firm or steady attachment to someone or something, but with less emphasis on vows, pledges, and obligations; it is the opposite of fickleness rather than of unfaithfulness (: my grandfather's constant confidant).

To be described as staunch carries loyalty one step further, implying an unwillingness to be dissuaded or turned aside (: a staunch friend who refused to believe the rumors that were circulating).

To be called resolute means that you are both staunch and steadfast, but the emphasis here is on character and a firm adherence to your own goals and purposes rather than to those of others (: resolute in insisting upon her right to be heard).

Determined and decisive are less forceful words. You can be decisive in almost any situation, as long as you have a choice among alternatives and don't hesitate in taking a stand (: decisive as always, she barely glanced at the menu before ordering).

Determined, unlike resolute, suggests a stubborn will rather than a conscious adherence to goals or principles (: he was determined to be home before the holidays).


fickle |ˈfikəl|
adjective
changing frequently, esp. as regards one's loyalties, interests, or affection : Web patrons are a notoriously fickle lot, bouncing from one site to another on a whim | the weather is forever fickle.
DERIVATIVES
fickleness |ˈfɪkəlnəs| noun
fickly |ˈfik(ə)lē| |ˈfɪk(ə)li| adverb
ORIGIN Old English ficol [deceitful] .

fickle
adjective
the fickle Loretta has a different boyfriend every month capricious, changeable, variable, volatile, mercurial; inconstant, undependable, unsteady, unfaithful, faithless, flighty, giddy, skittish; fair-weather; technical labile; literary mutable. antonym constant.

mo money, mo problems.

hi.

i haven't posted in awhile, the holidays kept me pretty busy this year. and when i wasn't busy, i just wanted to relax with the husband. so, that's my excuse. onward...

so, a few weeks before christmas dan and i figured out how much i actually owe in student loans. it's a lot. a whole lot. especially since i don't even have a degree. after much upset - my husband of course comforted me perfectly. he said that he gladly takes this debt and it doesn't matter that i didn't earn a degree - what matters is that the things i learned and did and experienced during those years helped form me who i am today. and he would gladly take the debt over me being any different than i am now. he makes me smile. anyway, after just looking at our debt besides the student loans, we realized how utterly helpless we are. we are in bondage to our debtors and we must get out of it. we realize that there is no way for us to do it on our own - so we decided that after the holidays we were going to take a seventy-six day fast. not from food, but from spending money on things we don't need. that means no trips to target to grab "a few things", no stopping at dunkin' donuts for coffee, no buying lunch at work instead of packing, none of that. just paying our bills, buying groceries if we actually need them (not just if we don't feel like eating the things we have), and things like that. the necessary evils. this is going to be so hard - but i really feel that god is going to show us a lot about our finances and our patterns of irresponsibility. i feel he is also going to show us that there are so many things that we actually can survive without. we aren't going to fast on sundays or holidays, so we will get to use sundays to go to dinner together or see a movie, or go out with friends. thank god for sabbaths! so, if you think about it, say a little prayer for us. for grace & wisdom during this fast. for a breakthrough!

i had a good christmas & new years this year. it has bee fun, yet very fast. i do feel that i've been to caught up in the busyness of it all. that makes me a little sad. but, jesus was born and we got to remember that. and that is a beautiful, blessed thing.

an orchestra is playing for free tonight in coventry. i have to work, but you should go.